Trusting Your Gut, Trusting Your Heart
The Difference Between Maternal Intuition and Instinct, and Why It’s OK to Ask for Help
I remember when our daughter was just a few months old and screaming like a devil child with no end in sight. My wife and I both of us doctors, no less, felt like we were stumbling in the dark. I’m a paediatrician, and she’s an anaesthesiologist which you’d think would make us top-notch at figuring out every sneeze, cry, and hiccup. Turns out, babies don’t care how many letters you have after your name.
Early on, our little girl seemed fussy pretty much all the time. She’d cry way more than I expected, spit up constantly, and just never seemed settled. In my mind, I kept telling myself, “Okay, I know babies cry. That’s how they communicate, right?” But at a certain point, I started jokingly calling her my “little devil child” because she seemed so inconsolable. It was only after weeks (yes, weeks) of this that I put it together: she was suffering from reflux.
It’s ironic that now, in my day job, I see reflux in babies all the time. I can spot it a mile away. But it’s a totally different ballgame when you’re a sleep-deprived parent at 3 AM, trying to soothe a wailing infant who refuses to be comforted. This was the first time it really hit me how parenting doesn’t come with guaranteed superpowers, even if you’ve spent years in medical school.
The Difference Between Instinct and Intuition
I often hear people talk about how mothers (and fathers – but let’s face it mostly mothers) should just “know” what to do, as if there’s this magical switch that flips the moment you become a parent. But let’s be real: there’s a big difference between instinct and intuition, and sometimes neither one speaks loud enough when you’re exhausted.
Instinct is that automatic, almost primal response—when your baby cries and you feel an overwhelming urge to do something, cradle and comfort them, no questions asked. It’s as if your body is hardwired to protect this tiny human.
Intuition is a little more subtle. It’s that gut feeling that whispers, “Hey, something seems off,” before you can point to a concrete sign. It grows stronger the more you learn your baby’s unique cues—when you know exactly which cry means “Feed me!” and which one means “Change me, please!”
Sometimes people assume that if you’re a good parent, your instinct and intuition will never fail you. Let’s just say I learned the hard way that this isn’t always true.
The Pressure to Have All the Answers
Modern parents get a lot of mixed messages. On the one hand, we’re told, Trust yourself; you know your baby best! On the other hand, there’s an avalanche of parenting blogs, social media posts, and well-meaning advice from family and friends suggesting that you’d better do X, Y, and Z or else you’re falling behind.
Here’s my two cents after living through those early reflux days and nights: it’s okay not to have a clue sometimes. You love your baby, you want the best for them, and yet you might feel in over your head. There’s no shame in that. It took me weeks to figure out my daughter’s little body was struggling with reflux—even though I see that condition in my clinic all the time. Go figure.
You’re Not Alone—Really
If I can share any comfort with fellow parents, it’s this: you can be a paediatrician, or an anaesthesiologist, or a first-time parent with zero medical training, and still feel lost. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human, and you care enough to keep learning and build your experience. Our instincts (and to a lesser extent our intuition) is build and fostered by experience. You can grow your instincts and cultivate your intuition by paying attention to those quiet gut feelings, and when in doubt, reach out for help. Yes, even if that means texting a friend at midnight or calling your GP first thing in the morning.
No parent should have to figure it all out alone. We have lost our village in this modern day somewhat but there are avenues for you to explore. Ultimately, you do know your baby best—you see them day in and day out, noticing every coo and cry. But every so often, someone else’s perspective or expertise can shine a light on something you just can’t see because you’re in the thick of it.
So, if you’re reading this with tired eyes and a baby who just won’t settle, remember: it’s okay to feel unsure. It’s okay to lean on others. It’s okay to miss a clue here or there. What matters is that we keep showing up for our little ones, learning from our fumbles, and loving them through every spit-up and sleepless night. You’ve got this—and you’re not alone in figuring it out.