Discipline Without Damage
How to manage during the first few crucial years
I remember the first time I tried to discipline my toddler in a shop. There I was—a neonatologist used to calming anxious parents—while my own two-year-old was on the floor, wailing over a bar of chocolate. I felt mortified and clueless. “How is it easier to handle emergencies in the NICU,” I wondered, “than to negotiate with a mini-human in in the treat aisle?, and why the f**K did I go down there in the first place??”
Fast-forward a few years, and now I also host a parenting podcast. Through honest conversations with experts and fellow parents, I’ve learned a lot about “discipline without damage”—how to guide little ones without bribes or punishment. It’s not about perfection (trust me, I still have my meltdown moments); it’s about practical strategies that respect a child’s emotional world. Let’s dive in.
Understanding Little Brains
Toddlers and preschoolers can’t always think logically when big emotions flood them. The part of the brain handling impulse control and rational thought (the prefrontal cortex) is still under construction. So when your child is shrieking because you sliced their sandwich “wrong,” logic isn’t going to land. Their “downstairs brain” has taken over—primitive emotions are driving the show. I wish I knew this when I caught my then 3 year old daughter trying to feed paper to my then 18 month old son, and wondering why she started wailing when I tried to stop her (and explain that she may kill her little brother in the process).
What This Means for Discipline
Don’t take it personally – Kids aren’t out to embarrass us (even if it feels like it).
Connect before correcting – When a child’s mid-tantrum, rational talk is useless. First, calm them (and yourself), then teach.